When i was 8 years old, i cant wait to be 12 and leave the Primary school cos i thought Secondary school would be much better with more fun and i really wanna grow up.
When i step into Secondary school, i felt i wasnt old enough, i couldnt wait to be 15 so i can be in the upper secondary and wear the school badge instead of the ugly cloth sewn onto my uniform. But when i reached 15, i couldnt wait to be 18 and i kept counting down to the end of my Secondary school days and couldnt wait to be in the Polytechnic or JC.
Now that im turning 18, i hope i was 8 years or better, 8 months old all along. I dont wanna grow up and mature along the way. I dont wanna know what's right and wrong, dont wanna think too deep into things. I wanna be as naive as a little girl, as ignorant and as playful like how i used to.
I hate to mature, i hate to feel so sensitive and insecure. I hate to grow and turn old. I wanna be a toddler, who is loved by all, who is cared by all. I dont have to think at all. All i do is weep and kick a fuss when i want something or sleep my day away thinking of nothing.
I hate insensitive people, i hate it when people dont think for others, i hate to hate people. But i cant help it, im full of hatred and anger. My life, no longer shining, no longer living for myself. I have to bear in mind the concerns of others, i have to remember i am not alone. I cant do things i wanna do, i have to spare a thought for the people around me. And i hate it. I wanna be selfish, i wanna love only myself, care only for myself. But i cannot. And i hate it.
Enough of those rumblings and hateful stuffs.
Elektra was a wonderful movie. I enjoyed it tremendously though i hope i was in the company of another. But nevermind, i'll rate it 4.5 upon 5. Its really cool, its great. Chilling out at East Coast Mac aftermath with the usuals. Guess they are still there now, i left earlier. About 15 minutes ago to be exact. Too tired, too upset, too moody, too guilty.
One last paper to go before i really let my hair down and go beach-ing with my mates. I cant wait, am anticipating it every single day. Im too "hateful" to sleep, maybe i should just sleep my hatred away. Whatever.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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